End of One Dream, Beginning of Another

Four years ago I made, what seemed to many, a dramatic move. After 25 years of living in Kansas City, I sold most of my belongings and moved to La Jolla CA , aka SoCal, – because I could.

My motivation was, initially, to be on the ocean and away from a land-locked environment. For the next 3+ years I wrote blogs called Living the Dream, recounting my experiences of moving from the Midwest to SoCal.

And while the move filled my soul on many levels, primarily to live on the ocean, or at least on a large body of water, again, I found there were other unspoken issues, that were essential to my peace of mind: not living in a red state in the Bible belt, but rather living in a state that cared about the environment, human rights, education and quality of life… at least the life that I wanted to live.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

And probably the most unspoken of all my desires for my reason to move was to find love.

You see, I’ve been single for many decades… yes, decades, with many attempts at long-term love. (NOTE: Make that: many decades of fun and interesting experiences! But not sustainable love.) And somehow, I knew that the person I was looking for, the person who would love my eccentricities, faults and foibles; the person who could hold my interest and share my passions, would not come from solid and sturdy Midwestern stock. Believe me, I tried. But I was a square peg in a round hole in. So after decades in Green Bay and Kansas City, my mantra was “Go west, young girl!”  Or, in my case:

Goes West! Medicare Girl!

So, at the age of 65, I ventured west, in search of a new life, and love, just when many are ready to hang up their cleats and call it a day.

And guess what? Fast forward 4 years, to June, 2020, I fell in love. In the middle of a pandemic! In less than 5 months time, we both sold everything, moved to St. Croix, Virgin Islands and bought a house overlooking the harbor of Christiansted.

How could this be?

And how could it be that I was SO SURE THAT THIS WAS RIGHT FOR ME?

Single, accomplished, professional woman who had a great life for over 35 years. Independent; used to making all my own decisions in life and my business…

Meets man, happily married for 45 years; widowed 2 years.

I was searching for love …. He was searching for a Porsche.

Somehow, we both stumbled upon the same matchmaker website and ended up signing up for… love (that would be me). And, instead of buying the Porsche that he was originally looking for, perhaps he was in need of a different respite from the overwhelming grief from loss of a spouse (that would be Jerry).

Truth be told, my first 3 matches from the matchmaker were disastrous. Not unlike my online dating experiences…one disappointment after another.

And then came Jerry.

He was the total opposite of everything I thought would be a good match for me. 

9 years older, Jewish, Agnostic. And… Aaaccckkk : A Republican.

We talked on the phone for an hour. He seemed nice… Not old. Not like any of my other stereotype impressions. So maybe we could meet for lunch. It wouldn’t hurt me to have a lunch with him… What do I have to lose?

Lunch was fine. I had a fabulous lobster roll sandwich, a delicious chardonnay and a magnificent view of the Pacific Ocean.

Jerry was very nice, shy, a bit “flatlined.” And in my not-so humble opinion, he was not quite ready for prime-time dating. After all, I was his first date in 45 years…   Remember, I’d been primed and ready for 35 years… so it all seemed a bit … pedestrian.

A week later, he invited me to lunch… at his home. My cynical, skeptical side said: ah ha! an opportunity to check out the house, see how he lives, get the inside scoop.

He Had Me With The Pie Weights

And here’s what happened.

I’m greeted with a glass of chilled wine in a fabulous, gated courtyard with lush palm trees and colorful, fragrant shrubs,  fountains and Andrea Bocelli playing in the background. He’s a gourmet cook, making a delicious quiche and even has his own pie weights for the crust. (Trust me, I didn’t even know what pie weights were… let alone know a man who used them!)

Suffice it to say, I’m intrigued, curious and somewhat confused. Could this be the same man? This whole experience and our conversations were jolting and upended all of my pre-conceptions and judgments; all of my stereotypes; all of my biases; all of my fears, dreams and apprehensions.

For a woman who has spoken to thousands of people, at every level, across the country, in just about every profession and industry:

I was … speechless.    

While he said a lot of things that day that I will share later, one comment truly left me speechless. On just our second date, he said: “I can teach you a lot – especially about love.”

I knew, in that moment, my life would never be the same.

Marty Stanley, CSP, is a speaker, author, business and life coach and recounter of life experiences that may or may not resonate for you. She walks the talk, lives life and tells the truth about it all. If you want to create and live your dream give Marty a call : 816-695-5453 martystanley@alteringoutcomes.com www.alteringoutcomes.com