Almost a year ago, I surveyed readers to find out if you were interested in hearing about my move from Kansas City, MO to La Jolla, CA and if you wanted to hear about the personal or professional experiences during this adventure.
The response was “both.”
So – here we are 9 months after selling my house, several rooms of furniture, years of “collectibles” and downsizing to live across the street from the ocean. If you’re interested, here are the links to Random Thoughts at 3 months and 6 months.
Expect the Unexpected
At the beginning of 2017, I spent almost 2 months in an intensive training program to expand my services to business owners. A couple months later, I realized this was not a good fit for me personally, professionally or financially. It was a hard decision to make after investing time and effort, but also a relief. When a colleague asked how it was going and I said I “dreaded” working on it… he said: “Marty! Do you need a bigger clue???” I needed that confirmation and permission to let go of things that weren’t a good fit.
Also during this time, I had chronic bronchitis. I felt awful for several months. Constant coughing, no energy and low motivation. I simply did not have the energy or drive to explore my new community, make friends or develop my business. I hunkered down. I didn’t share this with many people, feeling like I would be disappointing the people who were “living vicariously through me.” Another opportunity to let go of my own expectations to set goals and reluctantly slog through things… and let go of trying to be the person that others want me to be for them! To those who want to live vicariously through me, I say, please, create your own life and own adventures. I can’t and don’t want to live up to your expectations.
Taking Care of Myself
When I moved here, one of my goals was to get really healthy – living in SoCal, it seemed the perfect place, right? That intention led to unexpected opportunities to deal with the bronchitis and issues related to it. I found a fabulous general practice physician who prompted me to lay out a plan for overall health and wellness. Appointments were made for women’s health care, chiropractic care, dental care, holistic and spiritual practices. By mid-May I felt like I was on the road to being my old self, filled with optimism and energy.
Out with the Old
You know that big box of pictures that we’ve stashed away for years that “someday” we’ll sort through?
I finally tackled 30 years of photos – organizing and tossing. Quart and gallon zip lock bags for different categories: family gatherings; house remodels in Green Bay; house remodels in Kansas City; trips and special events… and of course: old boyfriends – some categories got a gallon zip lock, some a quart zip lock and then the biggest of all, the Hefty Bag for “who are these people, where am I and what am I doing? Tossing out the old and letting go of the past that no longer serves me has me feeling lighter and future focused.
In with the New
With renewed energy, I started to be more discerning with how I spent my time. It was time to immerse myself in my new community and I joined a group called Women in Business. It’s for professional women and they say they are “the no guilt group.” The purpose is to have a monthly lunch or dinner together, participate in a book club and simply enjoy companionship of other professional women. I like this low-key approach. Of course, some things don’t change… I am now on the board, co-chairing the membership committee.
Finally, I completed my term as Chair of the Chapter Leadership Committee for the National Speakers Association. The members of this committee kept me grounded and connected. Leading this team and guiding the work that we produced filled a void for me during uncertain times that is hard to describe. As the Immediate Past Chair, I can let go and move forward in a new way. I cherish the connections with the team and that will continue. And, I will have more time to create and live my future here.
If you’d asked me last October what I would be reporting on now, I’m sure I would have laid out a totally different scenario. Secretly, I would have predicted or wished for something grandiose and enviable: maybe landing a million-dollar account and finding true love. But alas, this is real life.
And a good life it is.
Marty Stanley, CSP, works with people and organizations that want to raise the bar on performance, happiness and results. If you or your organization are tired of the status quo and want to alter your outcomes for more joy and peace of mind, contact Marty today. 858-432-6764 816-695-5453 firstname.lastname@example.org www.alteringoutcomes.com
For more information on being a Type T leader, watch this 1 minute video.
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